What Depression Felt Like

I just wanted to watch porn all day long. 

It felt like any task that I was required to complete that relied on other people was a chore. I never wanted to anything at all. 

Some days, I would stay in bed all day long, citing “feeling sick.” 

Whenever old friends came up in passing, or on the Internet, I felt ashamed of myself, uncomfortable with who I was, and didn’t talk to them. 

Talking to anyone felt like a chore. 

Sometimes, I would briefly feel happy, but it was kind of like how caffeine makes you feel awake. It was on the surface, and it was temporary. 

It fucking sucked. 

In hindsight, I realized it was the result of letting a few large procrastinated items halt the progress of any other work. For me, these items were: 
- talking with business contacts about my career
- picking a career
- reading books
- talking to old friends

So, I curled up into bed with my girlfriend and snuggled for a few months, hoping my problems would go away. 

But here I am, and they haven’t gone away. In fact, I have likely lost the opportunity to continue doing business with some of those fellows I have not connected with in months. 

Now, out of the depression, I have adopted new habits that help me feel happy as a result of doing work that increases my knowledge base and helps other people achieve their goals. 

  • When I think of someone I want to talk to, I make a note to talk to them later or send them a message on the spot
  • When I have an idea of something fun I want to do, I write it down and come back to it later
  • When I get bored of doing one thing, I have many more exciting things lined up that I switch to very easily
  • As opposed to spending all of my time in leisure, I spend as much as I can growing, and producing value for the world
  • Instead of doing things that help me get better, I look to what problems other people are having, and how they can live better