Who Is Deciding Your Life?

The Latin of the word decision literally means 'to cut off'. 

It seems to me that fear hides itself very close to cutting anything off. 

We want it all. Always. 

Growing up, you develop the habit of avoiding decisions, because they are uncomfortable. 

 

Instead of cutting away what you don't like to make room for what you do, you let it all in. 

 

But since you need to make decisions, even as a young person, you need to find a way to cut. 

So, you let other people do it for you. 

Your parents, mostly.

Your friends.

Your teachers.

Your family friends.

Later on, your business friends.

***Your 'network'.

Your work friends.

Your school friends.

Anyone you can get your hands on. Because to do it yourself, well that would be far too painful. Too difficult. 

And surely you wouldn't be able to make a good decision.

 

Well, actually, you would definitely make the wrong decision.

 

Time goes on, and your fear mounts. 

Being out of practice of making decisions for yourself eventually makes you better at it. 

You'll eventually get up the courage, you tell yourself. 

It will eventually get easier, you tell yourself. 

Something will change. It has to. 

If it doesn't, I won't be the only one screwed over.

Everyone else is doing this too!

There has got to be something coming...


REALITY CHECK

Avoiding making decisions for yourself makes you suck at it.

Not practicing makes you worse. Surprise.

Plus, as time goes on, the number of decisions you need to make (and their difficulty) only grows.

It only gets harder with time. 

NOT EASIER.


There are lots of awesome systems in society that help you hide your fear of taking responsibility for yourself.

By making your own decisions.

It's easier to hand over power to school. 

Or schools.

Traditional career paths. 

Family-OWNED companies. 

Stable salaries. 

Benefits - I like the sound of that. 

Security - even better. 

As children...

we are taught to not know what we want. 

It's for the adults to decide. 

THEY KNOW BEST. 

I mean, how could I?

I don't have any of this experience stuff everyone keeps talking about. 

 

And even when you become an adult, you still don't know where to go.

A couple more years will look good on my resume.

Quit? No way! Who cares if I don't like it here. No one hires a job-hopper.

 

Somewhere along the way, there is a shift

Playing at school becomes working at work. 

The fun that you were used to having as a kid is now not allowed for most of the day. 

 

It might be the tight shoes that you must wear for work. 

Maybe all the sitting starts to hurt your back. 

Perhaps you're ending your days unhappy, a feeling that used to be rare.

Maybe you don't get anything for Christmas one year, and you're just as happy.

Or you get that thing you've wanted for the longest time...

But when you get it... it makes you feel nothing.

Feeling anything might start to feel foreign.

In fact, feelings seem like they're not good for anything anymore.

You probably forget about the times when they were.

 

Somewhere along the way, you might start to lose trust. 

Trust in your parents, who have always done you well. 

Trust in school, which has always brought you fun, friends, and joy. 

Trust in friends, who were always there for you. 

 

 

maybe it takes meeting someone on your pristine mexico vacation who lives out of a van (and has been for over six months), and seems happier than anyone you have ever met.

(AND HAPPIER THAN YOU THINK YOU COULD EVER BE)

 

 

It might hit you on a Friday morning when you finally cut out the job you were supposed to come back to for the past four months.

...only to feel weightless.

It could be a sober night out that has you having more fun than your friends...

Not less.

 

Somewhere along the way, you will find the courage. 

Even if it's just for a moment, not having one more - just tonight.

Just one time.

THAT'S ALL IT TAKES.

 

The greatest lie you will ever believe is this:

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR YOURSELF.

 

And why should you? You never have. 

Growing up you never did. 

Your teachers knew what school you should go to.

Your parents knew what job you should get. 

And your friends knew which person you should date.

 

 

It just takes one act of courage to realize you knew best this whole time.

You have always had the power to make the best decision for you.

 

 

Once you get the courage to try it once, you might find it again.

And again.

And again.

(if you're lucky, you might even notice it gets easier with practice... and harder without!)

 

At some point, you might realize this:

 

 

YOU'VE HAD IT IN YOU THIS WHOLE TIME

 

You've had something much better...

FAR BETTER 

than the bullshit you've been used to.

 

The life spent waiting is a wasted one.

"I can't break up with them, they haven't done anything bad!"

"I can't quit the team, they need me!"

"I can't start a company, I don't have enough experience! What if it fails!"

 

WHAT'S IT GOING TO TAKE?

 

 

Does your partner really need to cheat on you for you to leave?

Does your team need to cut you before you cut yourself?

Will winning the lottery be enough to reduce your risk when starting a company?

 

Get out of your own way.

Open up your eyes. 

And realize the the only thing you're waiting for to be ready...

IS YOURSELF. 


Contrary to what you're used to thinking...

Society rewards those who make their own decisions.

And it actually punishes those who don't.

Unless spending most of your life working on stuff you don't like, only to be eased by slight happiness increases from each step you take on the Hedonic Treadmill sounds like winning to you...

 

 

KNOWING WHAT YOU LIKE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

 

 

...almost as important as actually spending time on figuring it out.

 

The key to even having a shot at this is to try taking risks and going for what you want...

 

REGARDLESS OF WHAT EVERYONE ELSE SAYS.

 

IT IS POSSIBLE TO LOVE YOUR LIFE. 

THE FACT THAT THAT SEEMS FOREIGN TO YOU SHOULD SIGNAL SOMETHING'S WRONG...

BECAUSE THERE IS.

 

 

You know that saying, 'no one is going to make this decision for you'?

WELL IT COULD NOT BE MORE WRONG.

 

 

People have been deciding your life for you from the beginning. 

And you are the only thing in the way of that continuing.

 

What's it going to be?

 

THEM.

or

YOU.